Old school door dance

If you say ‘old school’ as in I won’t let a woman hold the door for me, then I’m not. But if you mean that I believe in things like distinctions and etiquette and protocol and the like, then you have me pegged.

Culture is largely based on lots of little rules – some of which have been created and refined over a very long period of time. I’m very much in favor of cultural change. I even like a little willy-nilly now and then. But I generally prefer the kind of actual thinking that is both conscious and then becomes subconscious about human values to an over-abundance of anything goes.

Plenty of cultural habits are out of date – but it is neither culture nor habits which are the baby we want to throw out.

Take the opening the door thing. Life is both easier and more interesting if there’s a little rule that says that the person who gets to the door handle first, opens the door for the person they’re with. Call it a common courtesy. Maybe it’s just a little game we play together. Perhaps the almost insignificant gesture might build a sense that we’re in this life together. As the favor is repeated and exchanged, not only civility, but good will is enhanced. Who knows?

Of course, I am a little old school about the other distinction here. You’ll find that I manage to shuffle my feet and move my body to get to the door just ahead of most women I’m walking with. I like dancing with women. But if you want to lead, I’ll dance with you. But if we don’t always want to dance only to the music in our own head, I think that culture – thoughtful, sensitive, respectful culture – is the old school way to go.

And if my hand touches yours on the handle, look me in the eye and smile. I’ll do the same. It’s a dance, after all, not a rule. Maybe we could change our culture with a bit more panache.